We all grew up watching movies. The ones that grasp our attention and reel us in for hours on end. The characters living a grand life, and telling a story (true or not). Whether you realize it or not you fantasied about their lives and their story.

That’s why celebrities have come about. This or that person put on a show, about a life that was to them worth meaning. We were just sitting there either admiring, or judging.

Those celebrities have been watched by the media, and a great chunk of the population. I used to watch E-news with my Grandma in the kitchen. It was just a bunch of people on a screen, using their platform to creep on people’s personal lives, and bash entertainers.

Point out all of the flaws.

Over dinner my Grandma began to host our own E news talk show. Taco Tuesday it was! It became something that we would talk about over dinner. “Oh my gosh did you hear about..?” (fill in the blanks). I just couldn’t help but wonder how many other families sat around and bashed people that they don’t even know.

Point out all of the flaws.

The family talk show was every Tuesday. My grandma was the host. The need for drama, reality, and the constant search for flaws got to the best of our dinners. The focus started to shift from celebrities to our own family. Her entertainment turned into gossiping about her family over the phone, and at the dinner table. Soon enough her table became empty.

Point out all of the flaws.

I saw this toxic dynamic continue in my family. The cycle just never ends. It turned into them saying hateful words about me. Instilling their insecurities onto me, and taking away my confidence. This happened to me for years and years.

“Your big toe is so big, I’ve never seen a big toe that big! It’s like 3 inches!”

“You have a five head Missy.”

“Oh well, you fluctuate in your weight too much, soon you won’t even be able to fit in that.”

“If you don’t lose weight you’re going to regret it when your old.”

“Whatever you put in your lips, goes straight to your hips.”

“You look like a cow in that dress. Seriously Missy I’m not paying a hundred dollars for you to look fat in a prom dress.”

Those words, and many more were said to me throughout my life. They all take on a different form, but have directly the same meaning to me. Image is of the upmost importance, and beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

I realize now that my family only said those hurtful things to me because they were missing meaning in their own lives, and were trying to cover up their own insecurities.

I fought for a long time trying to be this perfect girl that they wanted me to be.

I worked out a lot in highschool, and skipped a lot of meals. My best friends mom used to pack me lunches each day so I would eat more. I was obsessed with how people saw me.

Those thoughts caught up to me. When I couldn’t please my family anymore I decided I would please NO ONE. I gave up on myself and the image of myself that I thought everyone wanted me to be.

I can relate to those celebrities. Constantly being judged, or admired. We all know people love to talk.

I’m starting to become my own version of myself, and allow people to see only what I want them to.

I am craving to share my truth.

I will not take it personally when people say nasty things about me because I understand it’s not about me, it’s about them. They want to deflect the attention of their own insecurities on to me. Luckily, I’ve grown to be smarter than this.